The Subtle Ways We Relinquish Responsibility:
How many times a day do you say, either out loud or to yourself, that you, have to…X? Probably more often than you think. It is such a ubiquitous phrase that it usually goes unnoticed.
When you want to get off the phone with someone, you say, “I have to go.” It sounds like a more polite way of ending the call. To say, “I want to go,” or “I am going to go,” or even “I need to go,” just seems a little self centered.
‘Have to/Need to,’ implies an external force. Don’t blame me. It’s not my choice, I just have to.
And, like a death by a thousand cuts, these incremental abdications add up and form a belief that there are many things in your life that you have no control over.
They become obligations.
Although subjective in nature, obligations serve a purpose of objective group cohesion. They keep the tracks of social interaction well lubricated.
But they also subtly absolve us of our responsibilities—the ability to act [to respond] independently.
You convince yourself that ‘that is just the way things are’: a dangerous and usually wrong assessment.
They are adopted cultural norms that we learn at an early age which eventually become part of our belief systems. They become second nature.
But these obligations can also stifle creativity, personal expression, and authenticity.
If you live your life within the rules and regulations of the groups you identify with, then you are likely to lead a comfortable, relatively safe and predictable life.
The price you pay for this lackluster but predictable life is too often paid by a lack of authenticity, personal agency, or fulfillment.
It is easy to go with the flow. To make the best of the way things are. To carve out your own identity within the confines of social norms. To live a life of quiet contentment.
And that is fine if that is all you are looking to get out of life. If that’s you, then you can take comfort in knowing that you are part of the vast majority.
But wouldn’t it be a shame to live your entire life by the dictates of other people, regardless of how you fit into the grand narrative, without every knowing that that was a decision that you made—unconsciously, and that you could have made a different decision—consciously?
You regain control over the results in your life by being aware of your circumstances and your thoughts about them.
Awareness does not mean negation of the way things are. Instead it’s a way of actually knowing the way things are.
Awareness leads to deliberate decisions and the acceptance of beliefs from a place of knowing that they are beliefs and not immutable facts.
You probably have much more control over your life than you think.
With awareness, you may choose that your current circumstances do serve you well and that there is no need to make any dramatic life changes. Kudos to you.
Life does tend to throw us a curveball every once in a while. And when you are operating from a place of awareness, you will be in a better mindset to deal with any disruptions.